Set Boundaries for Powerful Self-Care by Coach Anjalon Wimbush
If you are like me, you do not enjoy feeling overwhelmed, burned out, and drained on a daily basis. This could come from tasks at work, family obligations, draining relationships, and other situations.
It is exhausting to entertain things that do not align with your values and goals. For that reason, setting boundaries will give you strength in practicing self-care on a regular basis. When you have self-awareness, which I suggest you review how to gain self-awareness here, you are able to define what you will and will not accept from others in your life. Sometimes it takes certain events to happen for us to know that, "I do not like this." What is even more enlightening is when you encounter the revelation of the the things that you DO want for your life, "I want more of this!" Figuring this out is one of the best moments that you could ever have in your self-care journey.
What are Boundaries? Boundaries are guidelines or limits we set to protect our mental, emotional, and physical well-being. We teach people how to treat us and we do so by setting clear and healthy boundaries. Think of it this way, you wouldn't knowingly allow strangers to walk into your home unannounced, go into your bedroom, take a shower and try on your clothes, would you? There has to be a limit to how you are treated in order to preserve your well-being. Setting boundaries with people does not mean that you don't like someone or that you don't want to be close to someone. On the contrary, it means that you love yourself enough to respect what you know you want and don't want in in your life. You are making yourself a priority versus letting the needs of others be put before your own needs. This is the very definition of Self-Care that we thrive for.
How much power can you regain over your own life by setting clearer, healthier boundaries?
When saying "No" means "I am putting my own mental health above pleasing anyone else", you are practicing a form of radical Self-Care!
HOW TO SET THOSE BOUNDARIES:
Simply say "No". There is no need for explanation or a narrative before or after it, unless you choose. You were asked or voluntold something and your answer is simply "No". Let that be your complete sentence.
Decide not to entertain toxic and draining interactions with certain people. You probably already know who they are. If they bring nothing but drama, confusion, and emotional turmoil to your life then you have a big but easy decision to make. You can do so by limiting your interactions with them, and I am aware that it may be someone living within your household, so that may look different depending on who it is. You can choose to not answer their constant messages and phone calls right away. Make the choice to not respond if your response is going to lead to more toxicity. The most effective response is to make a clear statement about their negative impact on your mental and emotional well-being and for that reason you have to limit any interaction with them or quite bluntly "I wish you well, but I have to cut you off".
Protect your time. You can tell when your time is being wasted. Do your best to not entertain exhausting situations or events that take up your time. That includes dating people who are not following through with what they say; constantly rescheduling with people who don't make time for you; or you are just not compatible with someone, you don't have to make things work out when they... just don't click. Let them go. Let go of ideas that are not aligning with your energy, time, or finances. These are investments, especially your time, that often you can't get back.
Be consistent. Boundaries are only effective if you enforce them. You cannot say to someone, "I am not available all of the time to watch your kids for you on my days off," then every time they ask you to watch their kids on your day off you accept that responsibility. You have to decide that you are worth being a priority and that your feelings of stress and overwhelm are far more important than satisfying their expectations of you.
Align with the thought that You are Worth It. It may take baby steps or small increments to change your default habits of having loose boundaries but practice truly can and will increase the likelihood of your boundaries being respected. It can be both painful but refreshing at the same time. Set those boundaries and experience self-care on a radical level!
If you need help processing the idea of setting boundaries and would like 1:1 support of a Life Coach, reach out to me. I provide 1:1 self-care coaching along with therapeutic exercises to increase your self-awareness for nourishing Self-Care at The Lotus Life Self-Care Coaching program.
Coach Anjalon Wimbush is a social worker by trade. She provides self-care life coaching and has a passion for helping women cultivate Self-Awareness to build self-care practices for living a fulfilling lifestyle. Schedule a chat with her today!
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